Things That Annoy Me, Or, This is Why I’m a Jerk

Sometimes I’m a bastion of positivity. Other times I just need to vent, ya know? So just for fun, here’s a round up of the little things people do every day that get on my last nerve. Enjoy!

1. Calling Children “Littles”

 

If you say you are going on a trip with your Littles, I will assume you are taking a trip with this family from the 1980's cartoon.

If you say you are going on a trip with your Littles, I will assume you are taking a trip with this family from the 1980’s cartoon.

Who started this and why??? You’re not going on vacation with your little. You’re going on vacation with your child, children, kid(s), son, daughter, step-kids, etc. There are plenty of words in our language to describe the young people in our lives without hijacking an adjective and turning it into a noun. Just stop.

2. People Who Don’t Clean Up After Their Dogs

dog poo

Someone in our new neighborhood has been letting their dog poop on our lawn. I’m not talking about one poo. I mean every damn day there is a new dog bomb on our lawn and it’s really ticking me off. The other day as we were strapping Coco into his car seat, an older woman walked by with a little dog (fits the poop profile) and no baggies in her hand. The dog ran up on our lawn and she looked at us and pulled him along. Pretty sure this is our suspect. I’m contemplating enjoying my morning coffee on the front patio for a little while to gather more intelligence in this case.

3. People at the Grocery Store Who Are Oblivious to the Fact that Other Customers Shop There Too

chappelle

I’ve started doing my grocery shopping at 6am on Saturday or Sunday to avoid people. Yes, THAT 6am. I coupon and I realize I take a little longer to shop and check out than other people, so I come at the crack of dawn so as to cause the least amount of inconvenience to other shoppers. A few weeks ago, I kept encountering the same woman and her teenage son all over the store. They’re parked in the center of the isle, staring dumbly at cereal for several minutes, oblivious to my polite “Excuse Me”.  Then the two of them and their cart are blocking the ENTIRE selection of beef. I’m waiting, waiting, waiting for them to pick a damn piece of meat so I can reach over and grab some steak for carne asada, but apparently they need to survey and discuss the weight and price per ounce of every package on display. Finally, I ran into them by the dairy case. Their cart was blocking the entire aisle and they were just standing there, refrigerator doors thrown wide, apparently too dumbfounded by the options placed before them to move. After saying “excuse me” a couple times, unable to grab their attention, I nudged my cart against theirs and pushed it out of my way. So it wound up several yards away from them. They were completely oblivious! I kinda wish I’d stuck around to see them turn back to their cart (20 minutes later) with their gallon of milk, so confused about how their cart wound up two aisles away.

 4. Beachbody “Coaches”

OK, I’m fully ready to take some flack for this one, but hear me out. I’m sure there are some Beachbody coaches who are wonderful, but I’ve seen and heard too much from some of them. Look, I have an Arbonne business. I get it. You are trying to build a business. You are excited about the products and want to share it. But does the Beachbody training tell you to talk BB non-stop all day long, at least 20 posts and photos per day on Facebook, Instagram, and anywhere else you could possibly get an audience? Because every person I’ve seen that’s involved with BB has become a social media spammer. It’s annoying. I’ve seen people post that their friends and family tell them that their constant BB posts are getting old, so they announce they’re creating a separate account for their business. But the business doesn’t get enough followers so they go back to posting 157 posts per day on their personal account. Or they tag themselves in all of the photos they post on their business page, so it ends up in my feed anyway. Guess what? I’ve either stopped following you or hid your updates because I DGAF.

Or, I’ve seen morbidly obese people as BB coaches. Look, if it’s working for you, that’s great. I’m happy you’ve found something you love and you’re working on your health, but maybe before you start coaching others on health and fitness, you get your own shit right.

Plus, I understand that the “coaching” is supposed to only involve selling the nutritional products and workout videos and then providing moral support to the people you sign up, but I’ve seen BB coaches leading group workouts or posting how-to videos for certain moves. Buying an $80 coach starter kit does not make you qualified to provide training to the general public. People can get hurt. Stop it. Or get certified. Kthxbye.

5. Vaguebooking

Don’t check in at a hospital on Facebook without letting people know why you are there. Don’t post something along the lines of “I can’t handle the stress any more” or “This is all too much to bear” without telling people WTF you are talking about. We all know you are just fishing for people to say “OMG! What’s wrong? What’s happening? Are you ok?” If you don’t want to share what’s happening in your life, don’t. But don’t vaguebook about drama and then pretend you want to keep your private life private.

So that’s what’s annoying me. I gotta say, it’s pretty cleansing to just let it out!

So what gets on your last nerve?

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